Heading Home

I grab a glass of water and head back to the nurse’s station for an uneventful night.  As dawn approaches I head back to the locker room and take a quick shower, dress, and then on my way.  It is very dark with an eerie dark blue glow but no matter my sight cuts through the darkness easily seeing even the smallest things moving about.  I stroll along singing to myself, the after image of the man with the knife stalking behind me but I know it is only in my mind.  I wish for a moment someone would try and attack me as I do every night but alas only the chirp of crickets breaks the silence.  I am starving but all that is around are animals and I would never harm one.  A black cat turns towards me and starts to run.. ‘do not run my dear’. It stops and I can hear it thoughts ‘okay, shall we hunt together’ Am I really hearing its thoughts or am I insane? No matter…   ‘Not today my beautiful furry friend I must go home’ and I continue on my way.   Back at the apartment I enter the small run down building primarily used for student housing but one of the more hidden options for accommodation.  I punch in the code and enter the foyer the boards creaking and head up the old stairs to the seventh floor and my apartment.  I have black out shades on all of the windows and black widow spiders have made nests all about. Wrought iron candelabras are placed around and many remnants of the old country are on display. I reach for the wine bottle and uncork it not wasting time with a glass, drinking straight from it.  I can feel the blood coursing through my body.  Lovely but stale…  I lock the door with a number of locks to ensure no one enters.

Nightmare

Suddenly a scream emerges from room 358 – Tim the schizophrenic must be having a nightmare again.  Duty calls so I quickly move on to his room. ‘Hello Tim’.  His eyes quickly turn on me ‘Natalia he wants to kill me, don’t let him kill me’. ‘Calm down, it’s okay – I will not let him harm you.  Do you trust me?.’ ‘But..’ ‘Tim, do you trust me?’ ‘ Yes.’ I sit on the bed next to him and put my arm around him to calm him down.  ‘You treat me like a person, no one else does they act like I am crazy.’ ‘Don’t worry about them; remember what I told you – be yourself. Tomorrow I want you to paint something in red and black and then explain the meaning to me, agreed?’. ‘Of course, I love painting.’ ‘Good and in trade I will make him go away.’ I start to hum a little until he nods off and like clockwork the nightmare begins again as he becomes listless, I guess it is chemistry.  I take a finger nail and make a small incision on his arm and as I taste the blood I am able to penetrate his mind.  Oh yes, I can see the darkness there; the demons compelling me to do unspeakable things again.  Instead I control myself taking in his demons as his listlessness ceases and my excitement grows.  I leave the room and enter a small relatively unused storage room; I sometimes hide out here when needed.  I sit a moment, the images of a dark stranger in a hospital ward stalking me with a knife. He speaks to me ‘You are useless’. ‘ You cannot do anything right, what is wrong with you.’ ‘One day I am going to murder you and no one will care.’ His father possibly.  He takes the knife and slices it across my face as blood starts to spatter all over, red and beautiful almost glowing. Then he says she is first and you cannot do anything to help her pointing to a small girl shrouded in darkness.  Is she part of the nightmare or possibly one of my own memories? No matter, my fingernails extend and the crimson glowing like copper ore among the gray iris of my eyes.  As he approaches the little girl I grab his throat and plunge my teeth deep inside of his neck ripping and tearing a large hole as blood goes everywhere. Taking my hands I plunge one into his chest breaking multiple ribs and pushing his heart through his back. Oh yes, bathing in blood I feast on his intentions and show him the price of admission.  This nightmare will never plague Tim again but there are many others.  It is mine now and one day I know all of these thoughts I have taken in will manifest again.

To the Ward

As I walk into the café I am greeted the customary ‘Hello Nat’ from Rick the attendant speaking as if we were old friends.  I returned a nod and a smile, ‘you know what I need’. ‘Coming right up’.  I do enjoy coffee, staring into the pool of black swirling as the heat wafts up onto my face I sometimes feel I can see the future; my tea leaves you might say.  After scrying for a moment I leave to the desk to determine what the night holds for me.  I must admit I do enjoy working with the truly disturbed in the psych ward because they are the only honest people I know but most of the patients are just attention seekers.  Society must help the poor little things to deal with their horrible lives – laughing inside, ‘my boyfriend broke up with me’, ‘I cannot afford a car’, and so on being the underlying concerns of their suicide threats..  The horror..  I have some places to take them where they would truly need the treatment they seek.  For now, I just use the opportunities I can to torment those that deserve it and to work with the others.  At the nurses’ station I quickly check the chart, no one new.. Pity, I love to break in the new ones.  Being on the night shift of course things are usually quiet.

At Work Again

I slip past Kim one of the other nurse’s with a polite nod, a mousy introverted girl with dark circles under her eyes but always pleasant. I am certain she is hiding something and one day I will find out what it is.  Slipping out of my dress I change yet again into my nurse’s uniform; it’s white but at least it is a skirt. Who can resist a nurse's outfit, sometimes I find myself staring at Denise a tall blonde and thinking what I would do to her but more about that later instead I linger a moment more hoping for something 'bloody' to happen and make a move toward the café needing a coffee; well not really but old habits never die.  Along the way Doctor Schum stares at my ass, looking back at him the crimson lines light up in my Iris between the normal grey and I think lustful things. I can feel the demons taking hold and he instantly turns away as his pants start to bulge.  On to my coffee….  

Going to work.

I am ready for work now; I have had enough to ensure that I do not hurt anyone, the tamed predator.   Working night shifts at a hospital at least has it perks full of blood and excitement.  I prefer to walk in the night leaving my apartment, heels knocking against the sidewalk as I walk.  The street lights pulling back as I approach, bats welcoming me, and the occasional car passing by.. People tell me not to walk, you should be afraid they say – they are all so frightened and it disgusts me; I am more likely to get hit by a car driving than attacked walking if only I could be so lucky.  It is only an hour walk after all and there were far worse things in the wilderness and I met many of them.  The one that changed me, its eyes spoke of existence lasting centuries and without fear.  It taught me, you could say it was my father and it told me of a time when mankind lived in a world of uncertainty.  Father, let’s return there and usher in a new age where people do not need CNN; they need only open the door to experience life.  Listening to the sounds of the night; the crickets, bats, my footsteps, the rain; I feel so alive.  A cat approaches so I bend down to meet him - he climbs to my lap and kisses me and then continue on my way.  I arrive at the hospital uneventful as usual and the receptionist fails to greet me looking away instead.  This always helps cheer me up as I head for the locker room.

September 21st

8PM - The sun has set now and I lay fully awake with the silk sheets caressing my pale naked skin.  I need to get up and go to work; after all everyone must follow the rules here.  One day I worry that the chaotic recesses of my mind will overpower me and I will lose control leaving a trail of ...  But alas I must control these urges and I have met some very interesting people in this land of America so I will carry on pretending to be things that I am not. I imagine the forest in Russia where I was found and wonder who left me there. I hold no ill will towards them, the forest became my refuge and taught me untold wisdom about the world but some say the spirits there corrupted my mind, transformed me, and that I cannot be recovered from the darkness.  They could not understand the things I did but all of them, all of the people that died were by their own standards evil so why mourn them.  They drove me from my homeland, cursing me and attempting all forms of torture and yet they claim to be so righteous. They murdered the people who took me in thinking I had come from their loins and they expected me to allow this.  That day humanity was lost and I knew the concept of good and evil is a farce of manipulation and control.  I left them with images so horrific they will never forget them and I eventually fled. I never thought to end up here in the new world; one of fast food, materialism, and blissful ignorance.  But there is something to be learned from it all and I know that one day I will return to where I belong. These memories used to haunt me but now they simply persist so what should I do tonight? I suppose I should go to work like a good girl.  Grabbing the wine bottle from the side table, I pour a glass thick and bright red...  I cannot stand the taste of the aspirin that is mixed in but it is necessary.  Arising quickly I slip on my silk black panties and a purple dress, silver pentagram ear rings for effect, pull on some stockings, and fasten a strap on my high heel shoes.  Many of the American women criticize me saying slut but who are they to judge; they do not know me, this is how I dress and so what.. I do not judge them for all the things they do pretending to be people they are not.  Well alas I do not care and in fact would delight in pulling one of them into the woods and hearing her scream like the others did. They are all so protected from the world just watching it on CNN and believing everything like sheep.