On my way

This sleep has seemed like forever although of little concern. My blood high persists although my mood has dampened into a state of serious contemplation. My friend the spider shines in the darkness whispering seeming to whisper it will be okay mistress. I open the window for my small vampire as promised; a cool wind caresses my face and chest. Ah yes, back to work... I slip on a pair of silver panties, tight black jeans, and a purple blouse. Of course high heel boots to finish things off. Why do I continue working father, why do I fear being like you and taking all that I need whenever I wish it. Humanity grasps me with the feeling of eternal loneliness; there are only two possibilities for me those I wish to kill and those I will inflict pain upon. Alas, such thoughts fade quickly.. I know to keep my distance. I head down the creaky old stairway and out into the night with the moon casting it's glow across my pale face. The sounds of the night singing a beautiful chorus as fresh blood flows in my veins and there was no need for a drink of wine this night. The crickets chirping and the bats in the distance. The cats hunting food, I know I can always trust the little darlings; hedonist seeking pleasure.. true honesty. My walk in almost silence until I see a large man smelling of alcohol and then a small figure laying on the ground crying. Her dress is torn where she fell and it is obvious the man seeks to strike her. I move quickly and catch his hand as he spins startled, "what the hell". He laughs as he sees me and says "you are stronger than you look, you want something? give me a minute". "Oh yes, I want something darling I whisper as he attempts to free his hand but cannot. I want you to apologize". "You must be joking". As there is a witness I refrain from breaking his arm, and instead gaze deeply into his eyes "you will apologize and you will never drink alcohol again." He looks bewildered and then turns to her and apologizes. The young woman looks shocked as I continue on my way hoping to meet him another time however it is his lucky night tonight.

Dream in the Night

Breaking away from the thoughts running through my head I regain my composure deciding not to call a taxi. Instead I will move through the darkness enjoying my newfound feelings of grandeur. This will help ensure if questions are asked my whereabouts may not be easily questioned.  I see no way they could make a connection besides inside the club which is unlikely but better to be safe.  Leaving my boots off I find a way to tie them to my waist using materials lying about as I cannot move quickly enough in them.  The night has become dark and as I make my way into the trees it is very silent except for the sound of insects. My senses are amazingly sharp and guide me like a compass in the general direction of my objective and when closer I will surely find my way home.  Passing through what seems the ruins of a great country, small old decrepit houses scattered about the occasional industrial buildings and sheds. This place reeks of a sewer for the malcontent, I slow as I think how many would be missed. Damnit! Stop thinking that way; you have had enough for tonight struggling to prevent myself from attempting entry to the nearest house.  Father learned to control his appetites over the millenniums of death and so must I. I gain speed taking an almost ethereal form in the darkness but still I feel the concrete beneath my feet as I find a sidewalk.  The light from the posts produce a strobe affect as I pass this them with great speed.  The cold wind battering against my body as my dress feels even tighter against the wind and slightly trails behind me making my movement a little more awkward. I can see the large buildings now reaching into the night sky, dark windows shining in the darkness; a lovely site the skyline at night. I continue to avoid any areas where people may be, hiding in the shadows, as I know I must get home to ensure I do not meet the sun.  I resist the insane urge to provoke violence along the way so that I may feel justified in killing another and move on.  A dog starts barking annoyingly but the sound vanishes quickly into the night.  I can recognize my surroundings now as I eventually arrive at Peachtree Rd. The businesses have closed so I run along the top of the retaining walls that line certain parts of the road seeing how far I can jump.  Falling against the concrete on occasion causing large gashes and scratches that heal almost instantly.  I stop a moment in front a large glass window pressing myself against it to feel the frigid cold it imparts. I almost thought this is how you know you are alive but alas I cannot say that now. After a while I reach my building, still no message from Hannah – I hope she is okay but I suppose she probably dropped as soon as she arrived at her home. I enter the code for the front door and head up unlocking the many locks and entering my apartment. The sun will rise soon so I slip out of my dress hanging it in the closet. Remove the rest of my clothing and run a hot bath feeling the grime of the city, clubs, and death.  I wash myself quickly and sit for a moment reading a medical journal.  After the water is fully dry I move to the bed staring up at one of my spider friends.  Goodnight! I shall leave the window open for you tomorrow so more bugs may fly in and I am certain it nods in appreciation. Off to sleep with fresh blood pulsing in my veins creating wonderful new dreams or nightmares for some. 

Intoxicated with Blood

I feel the need for the touch of a man but the predator in me desires something softer right now and for a moment I think of returning to the club and once inside breaking the door handles off trapping my prey there. Moving to the first girl I see, let me think ah there was a girl dressed in fishnet stocking, stiletto heels, a pleated mini-skirt, and a hot pink silk blouse. She had red hair slightly below her shoulders; green almond shaped eyes, a small nose, and pursed lips.  Her eyes dark with eye liner and lips a deep beautiful red.  I think of walking up to her as she looks into my eyes I call on the demons of lust and her excitement for me is evident at once.  Her eyes closing slightly and mouth opening; oh the things I will do to you I think and her excitement escalates further.  The power of influence grasping her mind, her body, and her soul so I move very close our bodies touching. I rub against her pushing her slightly as she wraps her arms around me and I kiss her neck.  The blood pulsing under my lips..  I kiss behind her ear and she leans her head to the side begging for more as her hair falls away to reveal more of the skin there.  Running my hands down the length of her body feeling her neck, her shoulders, back, down to the lower back, and then her shapely ass. She continues to sway and look at me with lustful eyes. I press my lips to hers and insert my tongue so that I can feel her tongue; mingling as if dancing to themselves. Lifting her skirt I move my hand between her legs and start to stroke her panties, she is so wet and now so am I.  She closes her eyes and tilts her head back enjoying the sensation moving up her spine. We are in a dark corner to be less noticeable and I start to stroke her more aggressively.  I can feel the panties as my fingers dip inside her; this one is desperate to violated and penetrated.  I kneel down in front of her pulling the panties down to the floor.  Ah, she likes to keep things fully shaven, a girl after my own heart, so I stroke her again with a finger pushing inside now. She starts to pull away because I know how to hit the right spots but this further ignites my excitement. So I find my tongue running along her inner thigh and then the outside of her labia.  She grabs my head fingers intertwined in my hair as she gasps and pulls away again but I hold her close kissing her deeply there as she struggles to contain herself.  My eyes are glowing now and I feel her fluids flowing against my tongue as her legs shake but I do not stop.  I torture her with my tongue and enjoy this deeply willing her not to scream as she moans. Stroking the curves of her ass as I continue and the next flow comes her legs shaking more this time.  I cannot resist the smooth skin, fangs barred they penetrate her inner thigh and the blood flows now. I stroke her with my hand once more keeping her nerves excited as her head falls forward and I hold her from sliding down the wall as she loses more blood.  Her fingers still running through my hair and after a while of the blood flowing and other fluids coming in waves she loses consciousness.  I cannot kill her, I want more of her but the others now it is time to drink from them all and many should die.  The bloodbath in my mind causes total elation; fresh human blood is so intoxicating. I feel like painting the city red... I am so lost... 

Clean up

I quickly locate a faucet outside one of the buildings and splashing some water on my mouth I rinse off the blood.  Then from my neck, breasts, and anywhere else that happen to get hit by the spatter trying not to get to wet; if only.  Returning back to the body I locate my panties and slip them  on and then my bra. Followed by my dress which fortunately has no blood on it; the pentacle of the moon really opened doors tonight. I feel fantastic, almost glowing in the darkness with a slight red tone to the skin.  My unfortunate rapist’s body lying in quite a state; being high on blood I have to stop myself from laughing.  My humanity escapes me although I fight to keep some of it daily.  Father told me to let go, why spare them; gorge and take what you want.  But this is not the ancient forests and people will notice, I ponder for a moment is that my only hesitation, maybe.  I still think I am no more monster than these people. I think of all the girls I spared and quickly dismiss any possible hint of guilt.  Time to take out the trash, this place is great; water, and plastic sheets in a nearby dumpster.  I pull out a large sheet and put it on the paving next to the body.  I am so strong now I pick up his body with ease and put it on the sheet rolling it and haul the body into a nearby wooded area.  What to do with it? Ripping him apart is too messy so I need to get the body somewhere it will not be discovered.  Do not want any drained of blood, heartless, cat got your tongue bodies out there; what would everyone think.  I move very fast in the darkness until I find some nearby houses; looking around I see a shovel in one of the garages and lift the door which is not locked or maybe I broke the mechanism, not really sure.  Anyway, I have my shovel so I return to the wooded area and dig a very deep hole in the most remote place I can find that has no signs of people.  Once it is completely packed into the red clay, I miss the rich soil of Russia, I cover it with this hideous brown pine straw and it is as nothing happened.  Returning to the building I find a pail and fill it with water washing away the remaining blood.  Done! That was much easier than expected. Maybe Hannah is still there at the club but I cannot risk returning alone just in case. I will make it up to her another time but I really hate leaving her.  Oh my god, see there is humanity left.  This night just keeps getting better. 

Night off.

What to wear tonight.. It seems so long since I have been out to a club. Everyone complains my wardrobe is all dark and I should get bright cheerier things, if only they knew.  So let’s see.. My ear rings for the night will be the first pentacle of the moon cast as instructed in the lesser key of Solomon from pure silver.  This serves to call forth and invoke the spirits of the moon and open doors.  A pentagram pendent also silver dangling low so that falls nicely between my naked breasts. A very short dark purple dress of a very soft and tight fitting material with a sufficiently low cut V neck to display the pentagram, some thigh high dark stockings, and high heel boots that reach almost to the knees.  This should do nicely.. Normally I do not wear make-up but I decide to use some plant dyes I mixed myself to add some dark blue to my eye lids and black encircling them and drawn out to the sides.  My ‘wine’ always makes my lips red so I take a nice long drink; I must control my urges tonight. My gray eyes reflecting the blue and black creating the illusion of a deep clear well.  I leave my flowing black hair to decide its own fate falling mid-way down my back as it will. It is a cold night tonight and I love the feel of the wind on my skin. I colour my nails a very dark blue also, long and sharp..  Some black lacey silk underwear and I am all set. The phone rings and Hannah says “I am at the Starbucks on Peachtree, get over here”. Sounding like she has had one to many. “Calm down, take a deep breath, it will be okay”. “Very funny” she says. Hannah is a strange girl that is why I like her, but a lot of people do not and she hangs around with smarter crowd.  Generally not the clubbing type so when she called I thought I better go. “I will be right over”. It is around 11’o clock now so still a little early yet but I like to get a good spot to watch people anyway and I have no idea where we are going. I call a taxi and soon I am at the Starbucks receiving a variety of looks possibly a mix of “I want to fuck her” and “I want to kill her”. Hannah, a brunette around my age in her twenties runs up and gives me hug. “Oh my god, you look amazing. Let’s just skip the club and go to my place.” “Very funny” and I give her an evil glare.  She is wearing a red skirt and black blouse and is a little overweight but still pulls it off well.  I am not quite sure if she really likes girls are not but suspect she would give me a try in any case. “So what’s the plan?”. “First, take this” and she shoves some sort of fancy coffee at me.  I am the anti-Starbucks but I take it anyway as some caffeine will do me good.  After a number of club hops, some dancing, a lot of drinks, and being hit on by a lot of strangers we end up at a new trance club; this place looks like it belongs underground and it almost is.  There are no windows and the outside is all metal surrounded by industrial looking buildings with a short line waiting to get in. People with earrings in the nose, gothic clothes, fishnet stockings, mini-skirts, men with hair to the waist; yes, this looks interesting.  As I approach the bouncer, a large black man with a very serious look on his face Hannah looks at me and pulls back a little.  So I step up and “Hi, there are two of us and we would like to enter”. “Okay, he points in”. I give him a big smile say “Thank you”. He smiles back, that is probably all he needed.  Inside the club is as expected, neon lights lining the walls, metal tables and stools bolted to the floor, a couple of bars, couches lined about the walls, and some strobe lights. The place is fairly busy but we spot a couch that was vacated and I point to it so Hannah quickly secures it as I head to the bar and order a couple of drinks. Kicking back I watch the people; Hannah is pushing her limit so I start to have second thoughts on the drink.  Maybe it is time to wrap things up when suddenly a tall handsome dark haired guy comes over and says “hello beautiful, I have been looking for you” I almost roll my eyes but okay I will play along.  “Really, why is that?” “Because we need each other and we will both be happier in the morning” Okay, that is direct. Well at least he is confident. “Pretty sure of yourself then?” “Yes, just give me a chance” Starting to feel pale I cannot resist the predatory instinct and think what is the harm. The entire time I know this is a very bad idea, you know what happened the last time…  the thought is banished. “Sit then”.  He drops down next to me, arm immediately around my neck and hand dangling close to my breast. The other hand making its way to my leg inching up closer to my dress but the touch feels good so I allow it to continue.  I can hear and smell his blood; it calls to me and with each advance he makes I want to take some, no I want to take it all.  It is difficult to be a monster trying to live with so many rules.  “Relax, let’s go out back and smoke a joint” I think to myself why not might calm my nerves. I whisper to Hannah and she says she is okay “just go” so I head to the door and they stamp our hands.  This guy leads me away from the club under the pretense of not getting caught; as if there is anyone around that cares.  Once behind one of the closed industrial buildings with no one in sight and in total darkness he pulls out the joint and hands it to me first, lighting it.  As I take it in I can tell something is wrong with this feeling dizzy, it is clearly laced with something else that would probably knock most out cold. I will play along, so I go ahead and slip down the side of the building looking a bit unresponsive. “Yes, you feel that don’t you” he whispers. He pulls down the straps of my dress and then unfastens my bra.  I try to hold back the crimson veins running through my eyes as the desire to tear his head off and drink from his neck builds.  He throws my bra to the side and start fondling my breasts and kissing me on the lips. He pauses to help me stand as he slips my panties off.  He kisses my neck and down to my nipples; licking them as he caresses my breasts. The he moves further downward his tongue licking my clit as he inserts a finger inside of me.  That feels really good; I suppose my next conquest will be for real sex. He inserts another and another so I go along moaning and allowing this to continue. I can see his throbbing penis through his pants, gorged with blood; maybe I should just rip that off and push it down his throat.  Maybe, hold that thought.  He unzips his pants and takes out his penis turning me so I am facing the wall and shoves it inside of me quickly. I had hoped to get some satisfaction but lover boy’s technique definitely needs some work. He continues pumping like it’s a race; possibly afraid of being caught. I can feel the contractions and although disease cannot affect the dead I cannot imagine having this low-life’s fluid inside of me so I pull away.  Turning toward him, his face goes pale as he sees my eyes and the crimson veins casting a slight glow.  Opening my mouth he sees fangs glimmering in the darkness and realizes his trick has backfired tonight. “What’s wrong, we were just getting started”. “Umm” “Cat got your tongue?” great idea, I grab his jaw and pry it open sticking my fingers inside I plunge the nails deep into his tongue trying to pull it out but it holds on.  Blood starts flowing from his mouth so I let my dress drop to the ground and kick it to the side as not to get any on it.  I keep trying to rip it out but turns out the tongue is attached pretty strongly.  Pushing harder I move my fingers all the way across like a knife and alas that does it the tongue falls to the ground. I feel good about that, I learned something new tonight.  I start to French kiss him drinking in the blood as he mumbles and struggles to get away.  “Stay still” sinking my nails into his neck and holding him so he cannot move.  I am trying to keep the blood from going everywhere and all over me. How am I ever going to explain ditching Hannah I think for a minute? Sometimes I think too much. He starts to twitch but the taste of blood of the living is so sweet; not like the old stuff loaded with anti-coagulants.  He starts to faint, no darling stay awake; I keep shaking him so he will not pass out but I fear I will lose him soon. What am I going to do with the body? So many rules.. So many questions.. But god I feel good.  He has stopped moving now so I stop kissing him, cover his mouth, and lunge my fangs into his neck so hard they get lodged in the bone for a moment. I had better wrap things up and I think he is about out of juice now anyway so I tear open his rib cage and take out his heart with the arteries trailing biting into to it to get the last of it.  My father told me not to waste so why let a bad human go to waste… Freak actually ejaculated from asphyxiation. I guess he got what he was looking for after all and everyone goes home happy. 

The world is a nice place.

Nothing to tell.

This night there is not much to speak of at work and it passes with incredible boredom.  My senses are on fire with desires and I fear that going out with my friend the next night is a mistake.  Arriving home I simply drift off into the darkness.

Bath

I imagine running through the woods following a man who just tried attacking me back home. When he saw my eyes start to glow he screamed upir and started to run so I pursued him, heart pumping stronger and teeth barred. The moons brilliant glare casting his shadow on the ground in front of me.  I move much faster than he does but allow him to maintain a lead breathing heavily with the smell of blood in the air.  Suddenly he trips on a fallen tree and I descend upon him.  My finger nails dig into the flesh on his arms and I stare into his eyes with a crimson glare.  His fear grows as does my excitement and I say to him 'you decided to attack the wrong girl this night'. Blood spurts from the gashes and I lean over him my fangs landing deep in his chest and then tearing across it leaving huge bloody tracks as he screams. I cup is face in my hands and turn it to the side lunging my fangs into his neck sticking into the sinews, veins, and skin. I continue to tear at these like a teething baby with the blood flowing freely into my mouth as I drink deeply rubbing it on my breasts, my arms, and my stomach. Insane with blood lust as I continue to take all of it literally taking his head off in the process. My beautiful forest I give back to you so that the trees may grow stronger.  Coming back from this little flashback I rise  from the bath and dry off.  Strolling across the apartment I grab a black dress and some knee high boots.  It's time for work again, how mundane my life has become.

Another night...

Waking once more I brush a spider from my arm and once again take a wine glass and fill it. I drink it quickly, starving, as the blood rushes through me returning some colour to my skin.  I do think it is time for a bath so I start the water on full heat as I check my messages; there is one from Hannah wanting to go out and do something tomorrow tonight.  As I do not have to work I think to myself why not and send her a text message to that affect. I grab a brownie that I got from Tom, he always adds a lot of green ingredients and I desperately to calm myself.  My skin is crawling and I feel like I am going to tear into the first person I see and suck them dry.  Trying so hard to play by the rules but it is incredibly difficult and completely against my nature. Shutting off the water I get into the bath almost scalding my skin but I heal very quickly.  I light a candle and stare at it meditating sinking back almost fully submerged as images of the dead invade my mind with a strangely calming affect.  I take the soap and wash my body every so often taking another sip from my wine glass.

Sleep...

After shedding my clothes I climb in the bed and wrap myself in the covers staring at the ceiling and the spider int he corner. Listening closely to it's fangs being plunged into a mosquito; drink up I can certainly understand your thirst.  I open the windows at night to allow insects to come in so that the spiders will remain and have something to eat.  My skin crawls desiring fresh blood and I know that sometime soon I must have it. I move my hand down the sheets and between my thighs to help calm my nerves. Stroking myself I close my eyes and the image of  lying under a large tree sets in. One of the cursed ones emerging from the forest and seizing me, plunging it's fangs into me - not one like myself but one infected by the wolf; carnal and dangerous.  He pushes me against the tree ripping my dress with his claws and I know what he wants but that's okay because I want it also. Alas, I must censor my thoughts for now as I continue to handle myself.  I can feel the sun calling me to burn as I fade into sleep.

Heading Home

I grab a glass of water and head back to the nurse’s station for an uneventful night.  As dawn approaches I head back to the locker room and take a quick shower, dress, and then on my way.  It is very dark with an eerie dark blue glow but no matter my sight cuts through the darkness easily seeing even the smallest things moving about.  I stroll along singing to myself, the after image of the man with the knife stalking behind me but I know it is only in my mind.  I wish for a moment someone would try and attack me as I do every night but alas only the chirp of crickets breaks the silence.  I am starving but all that is around are animals and I would never harm one.  A black cat turns towards me and starts to run.. ‘do not run my dear’. It stops and I can hear it thoughts ‘okay, shall we hunt together’ Am I really hearing its thoughts or am I insane? No matter…   ‘Not today my beautiful furry friend I must go home’ and I continue on my way.   Back at the apartment I enter the small run down building primarily used for student housing but one of the more hidden options for accommodation.  I punch in the code and enter the foyer the boards creaking and head up the old stairs to the seventh floor and my apartment.  I have black out shades on all of the windows and black widow spiders have made nests all about. Wrought iron candelabras are placed around and many remnants of the old country are on display. I reach for the wine bottle and uncork it not wasting time with a glass, drinking straight from it.  I can feel the blood coursing through my body.  Lovely but stale…  I lock the door with a number of locks to ensure no one enters.

Nightmare

Suddenly a scream emerges from room 358 – Tim the schizophrenic must be having a nightmare again.  Duty calls so I quickly move on to his room. ‘Hello Tim’.  His eyes quickly turn on me ‘Natalia he wants to kill me, don’t let him kill me’. ‘Calm down, it’s okay – I will not let him harm you.  Do you trust me?.’ ‘But..’ ‘Tim, do you trust me?’ ‘ Yes.’ I sit on the bed next to him and put my arm around him to calm him down.  ‘You treat me like a person, no one else does they act like I am crazy.’ ‘Don’t worry about them; remember what I told you – be yourself. Tomorrow I want you to paint something in red and black and then explain the meaning to me, agreed?’. ‘Of course, I love painting.’ ‘Good and in trade I will make him go away.’ I start to hum a little until he nods off and like clockwork the nightmare begins again as he becomes listless, I guess it is chemistry.  I take a finger nail and make a small incision on his arm and as I taste the blood I am able to penetrate his mind.  Oh yes, I can see the darkness there; the demons compelling me to do unspeakable things again.  Instead I control myself taking in his demons as his listlessness ceases and my excitement grows.  I leave the room and enter a small relatively unused storage room; I sometimes hide out here when needed.  I sit a moment, the images of a dark stranger in a hospital ward stalking me with a knife. He speaks to me ‘You are useless’. ‘ You cannot do anything right, what is wrong with you.’ ‘One day I am going to murder you and no one will care.’ His father possibly.  He takes the knife and slices it across my face as blood starts to spatter all over, red and beautiful almost glowing. Then he says she is first and you cannot do anything to help her pointing to a small girl shrouded in darkness.  Is she part of the nightmare or possibly one of my own memories? No matter, my fingernails extend and the crimson glowing like copper ore among the gray iris of my eyes.  As he approaches the little girl I grab his throat and plunge my teeth deep inside of his neck ripping and tearing a large hole as blood goes everywhere. Taking my hands I plunge one into his chest breaking multiple ribs and pushing his heart through his back. Oh yes, bathing in blood I feast on his intentions and show him the price of admission.  This nightmare will never plague Tim again but there are many others.  It is mine now and one day I know all of these thoughts I have taken in will manifest again.

To the Ward

As I walk into the café I am greeted the customary ‘Hello Nat’ from Rick the attendant speaking as if we were old friends.  I returned a nod and a smile, ‘you know what I need’. ‘Coming right up’.  I do enjoy coffee, staring into the pool of black swirling as the heat wafts up onto my face I sometimes feel I can see the future; my tea leaves you might say.  After scrying for a moment I leave to the desk to determine what the night holds for me.  I must admit I do enjoy working with the truly disturbed in the psych ward because they are the only honest people I know but most of the patients are just attention seekers.  Society must help the poor little things to deal with their horrible lives – laughing inside, ‘my boyfriend broke up with me’, ‘I cannot afford a car’, and so on being the underlying concerns of their suicide threats..  The horror..  I have some places to take them where they would truly need the treatment they seek.  For now, I just use the opportunities I can to torment those that deserve it and to work with the others.  At the nurses’ station I quickly check the chart, no one new.. Pity, I love to break in the new ones.  Being on the night shift of course things are usually quiet.

At Work Again

I slip past Kim one of the other nurse’s with a polite nod, a mousy introverted girl with dark circles under her eyes but always pleasant. I am certain she is hiding something and one day I will find out what it is.  Slipping out of my dress I change yet again into my nurse’s uniform; it’s white but at least it is a skirt. Who can resist a nurse's outfit, sometimes I find myself staring at Denise a tall blonde and thinking what I would do to her but more about that later instead I linger a moment more hoping for something 'bloody' to happen and make a move toward the café needing a coffee; well not really but old habits never die.  Along the way Doctor Schum stares at my ass, looking back at him the crimson lines light up in my Iris between the normal grey and I think lustful things. I can feel the demons taking hold and he instantly turns away as his pants start to bulge.  On to my coffee….  

Going to work.

I am ready for work now; I have had enough to ensure that I do not hurt anyone, the tamed predator.   Working night shifts at a hospital at least has it perks full of blood and excitement.  I prefer to walk in the night leaving my apartment, heels knocking against the sidewalk as I walk.  The street lights pulling back as I approach, bats welcoming me, and the occasional car passing by.. People tell me not to walk, you should be afraid they say – they are all so frightened and it disgusts me; I am more likely to get hit by a car driving than attacked walking if only I could be so lucky.  It is only an hour walk after all and there were far worse things in the wilderness and I met many of them.  The one that changed me, its eyes spoke of existence lasting centuries and without fear.  It taught me, you could say it was my father and it told me of a time when mankind lived in a world of uncertainty.  Father, let’s return there and usher in a new age where people do not need CNN; they need only open the door to experience life.  Listening to the sounds of the night; the crickets, bats, my footsteps, the rain; I feel so alive.  A cat approaches so I bend down to meet him - he climbs to my lap and kisses me and then continue on my way.  I arrive at the hospital uneventful as usual and the receptionist fails to greet me looking away instead.  This always helps cheer me up as I head for the locker room.

September 21st

8PM - The sun has set now and I lay fully awake with the silk sheets caressing my pale naked skin.  I need to get up and go to work; after all everyone must follow the rules here.  One day I worry that the chaotic recesses of my mind will overpower me and I will lose control leaving a trail of ...  But alas I must control these urges and I have met some very interesting people in this land of America so I will carry on pretending to be things that I am not. I imagine the forest in Russia where I was found and wonder who left me there. I hold no ill will towards them, the forest became my refuge and taught me untold wisdom about the world but some say the spirits there corrupted my mind, transformed me, and that I cannot be recovered from the darkness.  They could not understand the things I did but all of them, all of the people that died were by their own standards evil so why mourn them.  They drove me from my homeland, cursing me and attempting all forms of torture and yet they claim to be so righteous. They murdered the people who took me in thinking I had come from their loins and they expected me to allow this.  That day humanity was lost and I knew the concept of good and evil is a farce of manipulation and control.  I left them with images so horrific they will never forget them and I eventually fled. I never thought to end up here in the new world; one of fast food, materialism, and blissful ignorance.  But there is something to be learned from it all and I know that one day I will return to where I belong. These memories used to haunt me but now they simply persist so what should I do tonight? I suppose I should go to work like a good girl.  Grabbing the wine bottle from the side table, I pour a glass thick and bright red...  I cannot stand the taste of the aspirin that is mixed in but it is necessary.  Arising quickly I slip on my silk black panties and a purple dress, silver pentagram ear rings for effect, pull on some stockings, and fasten a strap on my high heel shoes.  Many of the American women criticize me saying slut but who are they to judge; they do not know me, this is how I dress and so what.. I do not judge them for all the things they do pretending to be people they are not.  Well alas I do not care and in fact would delight in pulling one of them into the woods and hearing her scream like the others did. They are all so protected from the world just watching it on CNN and believing everything like sheep.